
So I was thinking to myself the other day as I was on a backbreaking run through the woods, "Self, Mark should have definitely been a Marine. He lives for this kind of stuff." I have to honestly say that being a Marine is an awesome job in a myriad of ways, and I just wanted to let Mark know what he's missing out on.
1. The Motivator
Imagine showing up to the starting line of your next triathalon looking like this. Service A uniform, nasty grimace and a fresh high and tight. Nothing says "you turds don't belong in my league" quite like a high and tight. Come on Mark, you wouldn't even have to run.
2. Rank Structure
How awesome would it be to own the title, "Captain Crosby"? (For all of you civilians out there, a naval captain is not the same as a Marine, Army or Air Force captain. Right now, Mark and I are both Lieutenants, but he outranks me. I know, it's really weird and that's what this post is about) Mark, you could seriously change Kaemon's Cap'n Crunch cereal boxes to read "Cap'n Crosby". Now you have to wait like 10 years before you'll ever get that chance.
--While we're on the topic of ranks: Ensign pronounced "en-zin" is a rank in the Navy. Ensign pronounced "en-sign" is a banner, standard or church publication.
3. Battlecries
"Oorah" can basically be considered the official bark of the Teufelhunden, or Devil Dogs.

In the battle of Belleau Wood in World War I, the Marines fought so fiercely and scared the Germans so much that they (the Germans) began referring to the US Marines literally as "the dogs from hell". Oorah!
4 & 5. US Marine Corps War Memorial
The statue of the flag raising atop Mt. Suribachi on Iwo Jima is one of the most iconic images in America. Everybody recognizes this one. (#4)
Kari and I visited the memorial yesterday. I was in uniform and there was a large group of foreign exchange students visiting as well. After much deliberation they chose an official spokesman for the group and asked if I would take a picture with them. After that a line formed and I ended up taking plenty more pictures. It was an absolute honor to symbolize the Marine Corps along with the memorial. (#5)
6. You tell me...
vs.
Just in case the rest of the men thought they were going to escape the wrath of this Marine, here you go...
Bret:
Infusionsoft is right. It's time to get hard and join the Marine Corps.
Bret, meet Gunnery Sergeant Angell. Your worst nightmare wrapped up in fresh cammies and complete with a scream similar to that of a Pterodactyl. I know this because he was an instructor at Officer Candidates school when I was there.
Chad:
We all remember that night when we were playing Five Crowns and out of nowhere Chad let us in on his little secret. Apparently Bret had been picking on Chad not too long before and that was the last straw. Well Chad, the Marine Corps has its own Martial Arts program. Here you can learn all the little tricks to keep your soft brother in check.
Step 1-

Slam him to the ground.
Step 2-

Make him squeal like a piggy. Who's the little girl now, Bret?
Reed:
Here are the two things that can be permissibly worn around a man's neck.

M32 grenade launcher.

Medal of Honor.
Ryne:
Within 48 hours, you will have clear and inarguable evidence. Check our blog in two days.
Barry:
You always talk about being a pilot and getting a plane. Well how about flying Marine 1?

Yes, the Marines fly the president's helicopter.
Laverl: (you thought you were going to escape didn't you?)
Everybody knows why Laverl should be a Marine- bald is always in style.
Even though this post is extremely sarcastic, I want you all to know that I love this country like none other. Happy 4th of July everybody.